Have you ever had to make a really hard decision? Of course you have, everyone has at some point. So far, my decisions haven't been too difficult (to study or not to study? What a stupid question!)... until now.
I don't know what I'm going to do, cyberspace. I don't know if I can stay in this program. I love the lab, I love hematology and immunology and chemistry but... oh god, I don't know if I can stay as long as Dr. S is teaching microbiology. It's so hard.
You've read my posts, so you know that when I say "It's hard" that I'm not just bitching or whining. There are two kinds of hard: the first kind is when something challenges you, but you're happy to do it (or at least you're not miserable doing it). It makes you think in a good way and occupies your mind. You feel like you're really doing something worthwhile and you retain the information.
The second kind, though... that's the kind of hard that micro is. It's soul-crushingly difficult and you can barely get through it without getting upset or angry. It makes you miserable and you can't bear to think of doing it for the rest of your life.
You can probably already tell where this is going. I feel like a loser for even thinking this. It might be different if she only taught one class but Dr. S teaches micro, abnormal micro, parasitology, and molecular diagnostics. Not only that, but her teaching (I use that term loosely) style is the same for every class... I don't think I can handle being her student for much longer. Especially not in those upper-level classes.
I'll give it til the end of this semester. I'm failing micro right now. Literally failing. I have an F. I need a low C to be able to stay and a D will either land me a meeting to petition if I can stay or have me booted. If I can't manage a passing grade in micro... I'll have to change my major.
To what? To Pathology Assistant, I guess. I don't know. If I switch majors, I'll need to go back and finish my pre-req's for it and apply and even then the GI Bill will only fund two more years of school. After that, I'll need to get a job and a student loan or two. Put off marrying John for even longer.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to switch majors but right now it feels like giving up my dream would be less painful than struggling with Dr. S and her impossible courses.
What do I do, cyberspace? I feel so lost.
Stay safe,
That⊗neChick
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