Monday, October 17, 2011

A moment to stop, think, and reflect on my beliefs

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”- Marcus Aurelius ♥

‎"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
- Albert Einstein

If God loves me as much as theists say he does, then he may accept me as I am. If he does not, then how can I accept him? I ask of any deity what I ask of my fellow humans--love me for me, accept me because I am human, and know that I am trying my best.

I don't need any book, pastor, rabbi, imam, shaman, or priest to define my relationship with God. It's personal and different for every creature that graces this Earth. I'd rather be judged for my actions + my intentions than by my faith or doubt. I love God, he helped make me who I am now, and surely he knows that. c:

And if I'm perchance wrong, then I guess I'll find out. Until then, I'll continue being a good person simply for the sake of being a good person--even if I'm not "rewarded" in the end at least I helped make this world a better place.

Amen.


A moment to pause and think of a feasible alternative

From my advisor:

I have attached information on the CLS minors in Chemistry/Hematology and Hematology/Immunohematology. There is no Chem/Heme major, only a major in Clinical Laboratory Science. If you choose to do the Chemistry/Hematology minor, you would need to change your major to another department, such as Biology.

I have also worked out a sample curriculum for the Chemistry/Hematology minor if you choose to do that one. The thing to keep in mind is that if you change your major, you will probably have additional courses to take to meet those requirements. I looked at the requirements for a B.S. in Biology as an example, and if the department will not accept your CLS courses as electives towards the Biology degree, you might have to take an additional 36 credits to complete that degree.

To switch to a minor, you would have to submit a change of major form to the Registrar, and let them know you are taking a minor as well. Check to see when the deadline for this is. You can begin the minor pathway in January, since you are already in the program.

With regard to the national certification exam (there is no state version), you would take two exams instead of one. You would not take the generalist exam that the CLS graduates take, but a categorical certification exam for each area of your minor. You would need to take two exams, one for Chemistry and one for Hematology. This works out to be more expensive, because the fee for each exam is $210.

You would not necessarily be as valuable to an employer as someone who has a full CLS degree, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t get a job. A lot of laboratories hire lab professionals for limited areas of the lab, such as Chemistry and Hematology.

Whether you could graduate in 2013 depends on the major you switch to and how long it takes you to complete those course requirements.

If you take the Chem/Heme minor, you would still go through clinical rotations.

If you have any other questions, please let me know.


It's an option I am considering.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

A moment I never thought I would have...

Have you ever had to make a really hard decision? Of course you have, everyone has at some point. So far, my decisions haven't been too difficult (to study or not to study? What a stupid question!)... until now.

I don't know what I'm going to do, cyberspace. I don't know if I can stay in this program. I love the lab, I love hematology and immunology and chemistry but... oh god, I don't know if I can stay as long as Dr. S is teaching microbiology. It's so hard.

You've read my posts, so you know that when I say "It's hard" that I'm not just bitching or whining. There are two kinds of hard: the first kind is when something challenges you, but you're happy to do it (or at least you're not miserable doing it). It makes you think in a good way and occupies your mind. You feel like you're really doing something worthwhile and you retain the information.

The second kind, though... that's the kind of hard that micro is. It's soul-crushingly difficult and you can barely get through it without getting upset or angry. It makes you miserable and you can't bear to think of doing it for the rest of your life.

You can probably already tell where this is going. I feel like a loser for even thinking this. It might be different if she only taught one class but Dr. S teaches micro, abnormal micro, parasitology, and molecular diagnostics. Not only that, but her teaching (I use that term loosely) style is the same for every class... I don't think I can handle being her student for much longer. Especially not in those upper-level classes.

I'll give it til the end of this semester. I'm failing micro right now. Literally failing. I have an F. I need a low C to be able to stay and a D will either land me a meeting to petition if I can stay or have me booted. If I can't manage a passing grade in micro... I'll have to change my major.

To what? To Pathology Assistant, I guess. I don't know. If I switch majors, I'll need to go back and finish my pre-req's for it and apply and even then the GI Bill will only fund two more years of school. After that, I'll need to get a job and a student loan or two. Put off marrying John for even longer.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to switch majors but right now it feels like giving up my dream would be less painful than struggling with Dr. S and her impossible courses.

What do I do, cyberspace? I feel so lost.




Stay safe,
That⊗neChick



Friday, October 07, 2011

The happiest moment I've had in a long while...

My doctor finally got back to me!

My test results are normal and the likely cause of my joint pain is hypermobility of my joints (I was born that way, can't be fixed) and a slight vitamin D deficiency.

So what now? I need to continue taking my vitamin D supplements, try to move around more, and find an NSAID pain reliever that works well for managing what will likely be chronic pain. All in all, it's great news since they were suspecting a connective tissue disorder. My doc wants me to have a follow-up in December (I don't know why) but I doubt I'll be seeing her again.


No, I'm not really that flexible, though I'm sure if I tried I could be. My hands and ankles can hyperextend, though, which sucks since I'm prone to hurting my ankles. /clumsy

Also, this picture is really funny and totally relevant. 



Stay safe,
That⊗neChick

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I spend too many moments crying about microbiology

Hello again, cyberspace. I'm alive, barely.



I've been so down-trodden lately. It's no secret that the CLS program is a rigorous one. I'm in classes four days a week from 9am until 4:30pm and I have 4h exams every Monday--plus quizzes and lab practicals throughout the week. It requires a lot of commitment and even more work to get through this 2 year degree program.



Lately, though, I've been wondering why I worked so hard to get into this program. Don't get me wrong--I love it--but I'm not happy anymore and it's all over one class (technically two if you're counting the lab). It's had me crying nearly every day and feeling completely hopeless. The intensity of this single class' workload is going to break me someday--I just know it.



I return to my dorm every day with an aching back from the weight of my backpack and stressed out to the point of yelling (or crying). I'm always irate and I can feel myself getting snippy, especially at the end of the day. I'm not myself.



The material isn't hard, per say, it's just so much to know. I literally cannot memorize something that my professor shows me for a few minutes over a teaching scope or mentions in class. If I could, I'd be getting a pathology degree! As it is, I cannot. It feels like too much for a single person to know--a lot of the information feels very diagnostic (not my job) and it's organized in a way that's very different than what I'll be using in real life.



In real life the laboratory is organized into sub-sections based on where the fluid/sample came from (wound/blood, urine, respiratory, etc) and in class we're learning based on the organism species (Staphylococcus sp, Streptococcus sp, Enterococcus sp, Neiserra, etc). I can see why it's taught by species, each species tends to have a trend of behavior and you can narrow down to a specific organism more easily once it's identified. I get that. I just feel like the amount of information we're required to know is way too much--especially considering I can't devote all of my time to one class, I have 3 other classes and 2 other labs to know everything for as well.



Tests are huge in that class. They're honestly more like finals than tests (and quizzes are like tests). My first 4h exam was over 250 points spread over a hundred multiple guess and matching and then at least 10-15 full blown essay questions. It took me 3 and a half hours to take it and I got a 71 after studying for a week in advance. The scary thing? A 71 is actually a really good score for my major.



Does anyone else see that as a problem? I feel like getting C's across the board should not count as "very good". I think that if one class takes up so much time, energy and effort that students cannot make A's and B's in other classes then something needs to change. This is especially so for people like me who are here on GI Bills or other government funding that require a 2.5 GPA or higher to remain in school. If the people in charge of my funding see me getting C's they're going to think that I'm not trying hard enough and pull me, even though I've been killing myself for those grades.



Speaking of killing myself, I was sick all last weekend with a 102 degree fever and couldn't really study for my most recent test and I know I flunked it. I can't even sugarcoat it--I failed it. The worst part? A lot of the questions on the test hadn't even been covered until this week. I'm sure my classmates and I will raise hell about this once we get the grades back (yikes) but even so--those questions should not have been there. It's unfair to us.



I've honestly never cried during a test (after? yes) but halfway through the test I just broke down and cried silently for a little while.



Every day is a bad day when I have this class. My friends have learned to not ask when they know I've had it because I get stressed out just thinking about it. I honestly feel bad about myself. I think less of myself, I contemplate some pretty unhealthy thoughts more often than I care to admit, I'm not excited or inspired to learn about that subject anymore...



Rather, I've grown to despise it. That shouldn't happen. I'm trying to stay strong, I truly am. I want to overcome and I want to succeed.



Things are just hard right now.

Stay safe,
That⊗neChick

Thursday, September 08, 2011

So how many more moments am I gonna have to wait until I get an answer?

So... I saw the doctor on the 6th.

Good news: None of my tests are indicative of Rheumatoid Arthritis. I don't have any of the telltale inflammation that comes with it--so yay.

Bad news: My primary physician who did my initial bloodwork only did an ANA screen, not an ANA titer. Basically what that means is that while my screen is positive they don't know how positive it is. If my titer is below 1:320 then that means I don't have any connective tissue disorder. If it's above 1:320, then it means that my doctor needs to do more tests to find out what's wrong with me.

So, please let it be below 1:320!

Antinuclear Antibody Test Also, ANA may become positive before signs and symptoms of an autoimmune disease develop, so it may take time to tell the meaning of a positive ANA in a person who does not have symptoms. Most positive ANA results don't have significance, so physicians should reassure their patients but should also still be vigilant for development of signs and symptoms that might suggest an autoimmune disease.

That makes me feel a bit better, but I won't be really okay until I get the lab tests back.


Stay safe,
That⊗neChick

Sunday, July 31, 2011

This Moment Brought to you by Meloxicam 7.5mg tablets

Hi! I'm back (and with a fancy new layout)~

Updates, updates, updates:

First of all, a Dad update: He has a moderate leak in his mitral valve. The doctors are going to monitor it, since they don't know if the surgery or the accident caused it. Apparently some people live with these kinds of leaks, some people heal on their own and others need surgery to fix it.

We also got some interesting news from the doctors on 26 July. I'm sure all of you, my faithful readers, remember the car wreck my dad got in a while ago. Well, we have found YET ANOTHER injury. He fractured his tibia. This is a tibia for those who didn't pay attention during science class. We need a consult from an orthopedic surgeon to see what we're going to do about it--while he's there, he'll also check out his sternum (yep, still broken!). On 10 Aug, he's going to see a cardiologist about his leaky heart valve. Hopefully nothing else will be wrong with him. Yeah, strike that. He has 3 herniated discs in his neck (C4-C6). An explanation about what, exactly, that means. Click "Cervical Herniated Disc" in the grey box for more specific information.

Now I have medical updates, too! I possibly have an auto-immune disorder.

Since not a lot of people know about autoimmune diseases I figured I should inform you guys about 'em. Here is a helpful link from the NIH explaining what an autoimmune disease is in simple terms. Don't trust those quacks at WebMD. I'm currently taking an anti-inflammatory drug to help my joints and a vitamin D3 supplement. It's really only very slightly alleviating my symptoms (pain and stiffness) but I have to give it 3 weeks before I can try something else. I have to start working out in the new academic year so I don't lose function and range of motion in my joints. Joy. I get the one disease where I HAVE to go to the gym.

The good news is that I have an appointment with a rheumatologist on 6 September, so I ought to get a real diagnosis within a week or two of then.

My man came to visit from 22 July til 31 July. I love him so much, it was amazing to be with him again. We got him all registered at the community college here (he's taking one online class--"College Success" which is mandatory). Unfortunately, that class is costing him $562 out of pocket because of out-of-state tuition and because UPS is pretty stingy about its scholarship. Not to mention that he's having a hard time qualifying for financial aid.

He was filling out his FAFSA and found out that even though he will be 400mi away from his home, paying for himself and completely independent of his parents he still has to include their financial information. It's completely ridiculous. It isn't like he's going to be benefiting from their income and they make too much on paper for him to get any help from the government. It's so stupid. We're looking into Pell Grants and scholarships to help him out.

While he was here we took a trip to the coast for 2 days. It was so much fun :) We both got sunburns, though. Mine worse than his (I made sure he reapplied his sunscreen and kind of forgot about myself).

I miss him so much. I can't wait until he's down here. I know he'll be working and going to class, but a 2h drive and a work/school schedule is way more manageable than a $200+ plane ticket and 400mi.

In other news, my parents are trading in my Chevy and giving their '03 Honda Accord to me. My car is terrible on gas and my mother wants me to have an economical car so I don't have to worry as much at the pump. I'm really so blessed that things are all falling so neatly into place right now.

On 19 Aug I'm going to Caitee's wedding reception :) I'm so excited! I can't wait to see her again and meet her hubby. I wish I had been at the wedding, but the photos were so gorgeous. She made a beautiful bride.

Speaking of weddings, I've changed my vision for mine. Instead of a winter wedding--since snow is hard to come by and I don't want any of my bridal party catching a cold--I was thinking of getting married...

wait for it...

in an aquarium.

As in, renting an aquarium and getting married in the jellyfish room or something equally awesome and then having my reception either in another room of the aquarium or in a restaurant on the beach.

I have lots of time to plan and save up for it ;)

Let's see, what else?

Oh, I'm leaving for school on 20 August. I have a freshman for a roomie, but she seems like a total sweetheart so hopefully we'll get along. My uni finally approved of us having the option of a loft, but since I've had some car issues this summer I can no longer afford it. The only company we can rent from charges like $200/yr for a lofting kit. It's so ridiculous since there are a LOT of other reliable companies that are a hell of a lot more affordable.

I have a CLS orientation all day on 22 August and classes start 23 August. I'll also be blogging for my uni 4-5 times a month.

Phew! I think that's all. Expect more frequent updates in the upcoming weeks :)

Oh, and one more thing...





THIS BLOG IS NOW 20% COOLER.


Stay safe,
That⊗neChick