Sad Moments

Sorry I haven't updated at all lately. Life's been... well... not so good. Here's what's up:

Background info: my mother's mother (my Nana) died one year ago yesterday. Now, my mother's father is in the hospital. He has 10% heart function, congestive heart failure + hypertension, his carotid arteries are 80-90% blocked, has COPD + emphysema and now he has pneumonia. He's on antibiotics but he can't breathe without 100% oxygen and still had a hard time breathing even with the O2 on. Basically he's an arrhythmia away from passing on. The next heart attack, no matter how minor, will kill him. He has a DNR order on his chart, too. At this point it's not a matter of if he will pass, its when.

We are also on the opposite coast. He's in California. We are 3000+ miles away. We can't be there for him. The family who is out there is my clinically depressed aunt and my two uncles. One of which doesn't show emotion and the other is a drug addict. We always suspected he was, but we only recently found evidence of his... habits. My mother isn't jumping to conclusions (it's her brother, after all) and says it might be his girlfriend's paraphernalia but he's guilty until proven innocent in my book. Needless to say, my granddad doesn't have a very stable support system out there.

My father's father is having his own issues. His cancer--multiple myeloma--is back and he isn't yet a candidate for another bone marrow replacement. He lives just 15ish minutes away, though, so it's not the same as my mother's father who is beyond our reach.

I'm trying to stay strong despite all of this. It's difficult when my rock--John--is 400 miles away. I'm trying to focus on the good things right now. My sister and I sent my mother's father flowers and he loved them. I talked to him on the phone (he sounds so awful) and he asked when me and John are getting married. He was actually disappointed when I said it won't be for a long while--we're both still students, after all.

I also have a job now. I'm a fill-in nanny for my dad's coworker. I'll be watching her 10 month old little girl when her regular nanny is unavailable. His coworker (who shall be henceforth called the Mommy) is a full-time student as well as active duty in the army. Her hubby is deployed and her regular nanny's hubby is getting deployed soon. I'm still looking for flexible--preferably evening--employment elsewhere (Petsmart, Target, Food Lion, etc) but it's slow going. I'm also starting my summer gym class on this Tuesday. It'll be 2x a week (Tues + Thurs) from 8-9am which is really nice because it won't be hot that early.

I've been suffering from lack of caffeine--much to my sister's delight--so I'm even more stressed than usual. Plus, at around 2pm I just suddenly shut down. I literally can't stay awake. I've got no idea how I'm going to fix that but I'm sure it'll stop once my body is used to being without a regular dose of my favorite stimulant (coffee!). Or that's what I'm hoping anyway.

So that's what's going on. I'll try to update when I can. I've been keeping myself occupied so I don't have to think about much so if I'm super late in replying please forgive me.

Stay safe,
-That⊗neChick