So I got my microorganism wrong in microbiology... all because of some OF Glucose test. It looked negative, but I guess it wasn`t and lead me down the wrong path on the flow chart. So my lab professor is going to give me (and others like me) partial credit based on what tests we read correctly. I should have known it was too easy to be correct.
I have a headache. I`ve had one for about 3 days now. This is so frustrating. I want to do well in microbiology but... I just suck. I can`t do anything. I feel so hopeless.
Things like this make me wonder if I`m really cut out for CLSC. I mean, if I can`t even identify a microbe... how will I identify an abnormality in a patient`s sample?
I feel like a failure.
Mom thinks I ought to talk to a therapist. Apparently I inherited a possible anxiety disorder from her. Fuck that. I`m not going to cry to some shrink who`s paid to pretend to care about me. I already did that, remember? It only made things worse. Last time I was put on meds that made me feel empty... which is a thousand times worse. I`m not gonna go talk to some doctor who only sees me as a cash cow and will want to push prescriptions on me.
Besides, if I have to talk to a shrink... how will I ever amount to anything? I really will be a failure, then. How would John be able to love someone who can`t even handle her day-to-day emotions without medication and therapy? I couldn`t get a job. Who would hire some freak who can`t function without meds?
No. I won`t talk to a "professional". The only "professional" I need to speak with is probably my professor. Then I could at least find a way to stop sucking at everything I attempt to do in class.
Stay Safe,
-That⊗neChick
It's just beginning. Starting something is always the hardest part. Just rememberwith time and practice microbe will be a sinch. Don't let the beginning scare you from the end. You are amazing and anything you put your mind to you can do. you are not a failure.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was feeling less than satisfied with life and started to think very critically of myself I had an advisor look me in the eyes and say "You are a great person, you loose sight of that. Heres what I want you to do: wake up every morning and look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say You are amazing" as goofy as it sounds it really does work. My dear you truely are one of the best people I know. don't compare you at your worst to others at their best. Very one struggles, everyone has things that are hard even your teacher probably struggled in the beginning :)
Stay strong <3
I know. I just... I`m so afraid of failing. I can`t afford to fail, to be honest. I talked to my TA today and she understands how difficult it is. She assured me that if I do well on my case study and on my final that I ought to pass. She also said that the professor /may/ curve the grades since the way it was graded was more than a little bit harsh. I`m just hoping I can pull through this.
ReplyDeleteShe also introduced me to "concept mapping". Obviously traditional memorization doesn`t work for me and she said this might be a better fit for me. Hopefully it isn`t too late.
I wrote "You are amazing" on my mirror today :) so I wouldn`t forget. I just really need to find a way to study for this class so I can /pass/.