I`m alive, after 10 days of complete radio silence, I am... alive. I guess you can call it that.
Some would call me melodramatic for carrying on like this, but god damn it, it hurts and I`ll cry if I want to. You see, dear readers, I just did perhaps one of the hardest things I have to do. Every time I do it, it hurts so bad and I cry for hours afterwards... and I have done it 5 times. Whoops, 6 if you count this time. What did I do?
I had to leave my fiance at an airport. He lives 471 miles away from me at the moment. Unorthodox, I know, but it can`t be helped. The details don`t matter anyway, all that matters to me is that he`s on an airplane flying away from me and I`m stuck here. It doesn`t matter that at 7ish, he`ll be 414 miles away from me (as I have to leave home and go back to college tonight)--because 414 miles is still too far.
If my memory is right, and when it comes to him it usually is, I won`t be able to hold him in my arms again for 131 days. That`s not until July 22.
His plane is about to take off, he just texted that his phone has be off now. I was almost composed but now... God, I miss him.
I have so much to do today but I can`t even bring myself to leave the guest room where he stayed. I`m sitting here on the bed he slept in, holding the penguin plush he left behind, watching My Neighbor Totoro and crying my eyes out.
He didn`t like My Neighbor Totoro, but then again it is kind of a girl movie.
I miss him so much. It doesn`t matter how many times one of us has to fly away, it still hurts the same every time. I wish we had our own place yet, so he would never have to leave. I miss him... it still smells like him in this room, on all the things he touched... my hands feel so empty. My arms are empty.
Just 131 more days until I can enjoy some more little moments with him again.
Stay safe and enjoy the little moments.
-ThatOneChick
I'm going to pretend I didn't read the part about him not liking my neighbor totoro.
ReplyDeletealso heres a big fat fatty fat hug that would sqeeze every cubic centimeter out of your lungs, because, I love you! it'll be ok, actually it won't because love is something people die to have and to have it far always hurts even just a smidgen, but time will shrink the pain. Soon he won't have to leave. keep it posi, soon you'll be in white walking towards him to spend forever together.
my dearest friend I love you, you have something special time will fly and you'll be together again,but for now watch you've got mail, and 27 dresses, the proposal, and just go with it eat icecream just laugh and cry. it makes the 1st week apart better
Lol he didn`t think there was enough Totoro :P
ReplyDelete:) Awh, I love you too! I know it`ll get better. Hopefully in about 2yrs we`ll be able to get an apartment together.
I just miss him so much. <3